


Where do we go from here

by Otori0



Category: Happy Sugar Life (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Suicide Attempts, Work In Progress, dark themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27576527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otori0/pseuds/Otori0
Summary: It was too sudden.Before he realized, everything he knew and held dear had disappeared-- Shio was dead.A fanfic about Asahi after Shio's loss, and how Taiyou and him will try to go on living, helping each other and overcoming their respective traumas.
Relationships: Mitsuboshi Taiyou/Koube Asahi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

It was too sudden.  
Before he realized, everything he knew and held dear had disappeared-- Shio was dead.  
She was found that morning, after she was involved in a car accident. In the middle of the street, just lying there, a small child now deceased. Of course, Asahi didn't know about the incident until some hours later. 

Shouko ran as fast as she could to the bench where Asahi usually was, her breath faltering and her expression filled with despair. When she saw the news, she immediately rushed to him.  
''Asahi!'' She immediately raised her voice when the boy entered her field of vision. ''Asahi!!'' She repeated, tears wetting her eyes even though nothing was yet said.  
''What happened?'' Asahi realized that something was wrong. She was usually a cheerful and relaxed person, and to see her panic like this meant something really bad.  
''It's... It's Shio...! Look at this!!'' She handed him her phone, with the last news displaying. 

''Missing person Shio Koube found dead in a car accident.'', was the headline. The phone fell to the ground as Asahi's face became pale. ''No.'' He murmured, hands shaking like never before. ''No, this is a mistake.''  
Shouko looked away, tears falling down her cheeks. She didn't want to believe it either. She also wished it was a mistake, because this was just way too cruel for Asahi. After all the effort he had done in looking for her, losing her like this was too much.  
''It's a mistake!!!'' He shouted, grabbing Shouko by the shoulders and startling the girl. ''SHIO CAN'T BE DEAD!!! It's impossible!!! I promised that I would find her!! Shio has to be alive...!!''

Shouko's legs gave up and she kneeled, covering her mouth with her hands and crying to the earnest. Asahi didn't know what to do or say, as his mind was completely blank. ''I...'' He knew that it had to be a lie. There was no way in the world that Shio was dead-- it was just unacceptable. And yet, seeing Shouko's reaction, he couldn't deny it anymore. ''I... I...'' He couldn't find proper words, and before he knew it, he was just yelling, letting everything out while raising his hands to his head. 

He couldn't remember how much time he spent crying in that small place next to Shouko. In reality only some hours passed, but when they were done they felt exhausted like never before, and it felt like they had been weeping for an eternity.

A car accident.  
Only that, and Asahi was robbed of everything. ''An accident... Not even murder.'' Asahi covered his eyes with his arm, unable to drop another tear. ''I can't even... get revenge. I can't do anything...''  
''Asahi, you...'' Shouko looked at him and smiled as good as she could, lips quivering simply from that. ''You did your best... Everyday...''  
''But it was useless. I couldn't save her. I couldn't even say goodbye to her...''

...

A moment of silence. ''...I don't think it was useless...'' Shouko said, maybe just to convince herself of that, maybe to comfort the boy next to her. ''You did everything you could.''  
If all Asahi did was useless, then this was really the crueller and most awful thing in the universe, Shouko thought. So she had to say the opposite, or Asahi would be unable to ever move forward.

''Asahi, what are you going to do from now on...?''  
Asahi didn't really know how to answer to that himself. He had no place to go to. He didn't know where his mother was right now, and even if he did, he didn't have the guts to go meet her, not after what happened.  
''If you stay here forever, I don't think you'll survive.'' Shouko was being awfully blunt. Not like she was wrong; and, in fact, Asahi didn't really care if he died orou not. But Shouko did, so he didn't say anything about it.

''I would like to say that you can stay in my house, but my parents are too strict. I don't think they'll give permission easily.'' Shouko took her phone and scrolled through the contact list. Maybe there was someone else who could help, at least until they found a better solution.  
Then, a thought occured to her. ''Maybe Taiyou can...'' Maybe Taiyou could let him stay for a while; his mother was way more permissive than Shouko's parent  
s, and they were both boys.

She stood up before saying, ''I'm going to make a call'', and pressed Taiyou's contact. A beep. Another beep. Maybe it was too late to call him? Still, it was unthinkable that a teenager would already be asleep at eleven night. Finally, Taiyou took the call, and his voice replaced the beeps. 

''Hello?'' He asked politely, surprised. It was rare for Shouko to contact him, and even more in a weekend and at night.  
Shouko reflected on how to say this. Asahi was still close, so she didn't want to say anything that could make him feel bad again. ''Uhm... I really don't want to bother you, but you see, I have a friend who is homeless right now. He can't find his family, and... his missing sister has passed away today. You probably saw some flyers, right? Shio Koube...''

When Shouko uttered those words, a scream escaped Taiyou's throat. ''Huh?! W-what's wrong?!''  
''Y-y-you said... Shio Koube...?!'' Another yell from Taiyou, and Shouko felt a shiver run down her spine. ''My angel is...!! It can't be...!!!'' Shouko could hear him sob from the other side of the phone, and was just genuinely confused. 

''Umm... I'm... sorry? I didn't know that you knew her...'' Shouko tried to save the situation, but everything was very weird and she couldn't grasp a thing. ''A-anyway, is it okay if we go there now? It's getting cold, and I don't want Asahi to catch a cold.''  
After some seconds of only the silent cries of Taiyou being heard, he agreed. ''Okay... I'll convince my mother about it...''  
''Thank you, really. And I'm really sorry. Let's talk once we get there.'' Shouko made a small pause and added; ''...Are you okay, Taiyou?''  
He couldn't say he was, but then again he didn't want to worry her more than necessary. ''I... I will be fine.'' Was all he said before the call ended.

Shouko turned around to Asahi. ''I'm sorry for making you wait. I found someone who will help. However...'' She hesitated about how to tell him this. ''He seemed affected by the news. He seemed to know Shio.''  
''He... He knew her...?'' Asahi looked down, but this only made him more determined to do as Shouko said. ''...I'll go. Maybe he knows something about her.''  
''I thought that you would say that. Let's get going, then.'' Shouko smiled a bit, trying to reassure the still scared Asahi. He wasn't panicking anymore, but worry and emptiness filled him instead.

Asahi stood up and began walking with clumsy steps, following the girl before him. Normally, he would be on guard, or scared, or against the idea to begin with. But with the current situation, the thought didn't even occur him. He didn't care anymore what happened. Whether he was going to die in a bench or he was going to live with a stranger, it didn't matter.

The stranger in question didn't live too far from their original location. The road to there was dead silent, Shouko some steps ahead and Asahi looking to the ground all the time, but it was better like that, at least for now.  
''It's here.'' Shouko finally broke the silence, standing in front of a door; Taiyou's apartment. ''His mother already agreed, so everything's fine.''

She wait until Asahi gave her confirmation to open the door, but instead he kept staring at the floor, which only made him worry. ''Asahi... It will be alright. It's hard now, but Taiyou is a good guy. I'm sure you'll become friends soon enough.''  
That wasn't what Asahi was anxious about, but he knew that she was doing her best on her own way too, so he let it slide.  
''Let's go in, okay?'' 

He simply nodded, which was enough, and Shouko pressed the doorbell. Only two seconds after the door was open, and a still shocked Taiyou appeared. ''W-welcome...'' He looked at Asahi briefly, and bit his lips nervously. He really looked like Shio. But he wasn't her. He wasn't his angel. Instead, he was that guy he had helped before, the one who had gotten in a fight, and Satou and himself had let him rest in the cafe for a moment. It seemed like Asahi didn't recognize him, though.

''Taiyou...'' Shouko mumbled, not sure if asking him would be fine in the  
situation they were in. She never expected him to be like this, but horror was pure in Taiyou's face. ''T-thanks for letting Asahi stay. Asahi, this is Taiyou Mitsuboshi. He works with me in the cafe.'' Shouko said, trying to make the ambience less uncomfortable.

''Thanks...'' Asahi stepped in, while Shouko stayed outside. ''Well, I have to get going now, or it will never be the end of my parent's nagging. Both of you, please contact me if you need anything.''  
The two boys nodded, still feeling worried. ''See you.''

With that, Shouko left them alone and in complete silence. They both had things they wanted to ask to the other, but they didn't know how to start. Thankfully, Taiyou broke the ice soon enough.  
''My mother is in the kitchen right now, she's preparing dinner... Should we wait in my room? We can talk there.'' Suddenly, it was as he had calmed down completely. However, this was only in the surface, and Asahi noticed it. He was good at hiding his feelings, or so it seemed.

''Okay.'' Asahi replied before they went up the stairs and into Taiyou's room.  
When he opened the door, Asahi could but be left open-mouthed. It was undestandable considering that Taiyou's room was filled with flyers of Shio, and all of them were rippen apart. The door slowly closed behind them, and Taiyou made sure that it was locked. 

''W-what... What the hell is this...?'' Asahi was frozen with confusion and more indescribable emotions. Shio was everywhere. If he took another step, he would step on a teared up panphlet. ''You... Did you do anything to Shio?!'' Asahi immediately was overpowered by anger, and turned around before fisting the collar of his shirt. ''What did you do to Shio?!''  
''C-Calm down, this is...!'' Taiyou also began to panic, trying to explain himself. ''Shio was... my angel... That's why...!''

''Your angel...?'' Asahi repeated, still irritated but at least not yelling anymore. ''What do you mean?''  
Taiyou gulped before explaining everything that happened. ''I was... I was r-raped by a woman, and... since then, whenever I see an adult woman, I feel anxious and sick. I became dirty then, but I wanted to be cleansed, and... that's when I met Shio. Her smile and her voice, I... I felt purified by them. I know that it isn't okay to become this obsessed with a child, but for me... Shio was everything left...''

Those words made Asahi release his grip in Taiyou. He had said that Shio was everything left for him, just like himself.  
''You never... harmed her, right?'' He asked, his voice now fully calm but also sad. ''Of course not! I just... I wanted her to always smile, I never wanted this!''  
He was as desperate as Asahi. They both had lost the only thing that could ever make them happy. ''...I understand. I trust you.'' He didn't really, but did it really matter anyway? Even if Taiyou was to harm him, that was fine by him. 

''Shio... You said that she smiled, right...? Do you think she was happy?''  
Taiyou looked down, hesitating on what to say. ''...Yes, I... I think so.''  
That was enough for now for Asahi. Knowing that she was still able to smile when they were apart was enough to feel better in the slightest. ''I see.''

A moment of silence, of them looking to the floor. Finally everything was calm. They still had a lot of doubts and insecurities, but at least they had relaxed a bit. Now they would be able to speak better without letting their emotions control them.  
''I'm sorry for yelling like that. I'm... very tired.'' Asahi said. It was rare for him to apologize, but it was heartfelt. He regretted taking it out on Taiyou, no matter how shocking the view of his room was.

''It's alright. I'm going to throw the flyers away.'' Immediately, Taiyou started picking the scattered pieces of paper and dropping them into the trash can. It was probably wrong to think like this, but he felt like this was a chance to try to become normal again. To overcome his trauma once for all, and maybe to help Asahi to do the same.

''Well then...'' Once he was done, he addressed Asahi again. ''We should go eat dinner now, it must be prepared already.''  
Asahi nodded. To be honest, he wasn't hungry, but he wouldn't turn the offer down either. It had been long since he had a proper meal, and his body probably needed it, so they went downstairs, where Taiyou's mother was waiting for them.

''Nice to meet you, Asahi. You can feel like home here, and if there's anything you need just tell us. Taiyou can be a little clumsy, but please get along with him.'' She said with a kind smile. ''Come on, mother...'' Taiyou felt flustered at her remark, which she only laughed off.

This was like a family. A real family.  
He didn't mean to, but Asahi was starting to tear up. For so, so long, he had wished to be like this with his mother and Shio. And now, it would be forever impossible. The thought was almost even more heartbreaking than Shio's death itself.

''Oh, dear... Are you okay? Did I make you feel overwhelmed or something?'' Taiyou's mother asked, worried about the young boy and patting his head softly. ''Come on, let's eat a warm dinner and then you'll feel better, alright?''  
A nod from Asahi, and the three of them entered the kitchen and sat down. The place was small but welcoming to him, and when he ate his first mouthful of curry and rice, he sobbed again. 

This was what a hot meal was like. This was what a family was like.  
More and more, tears were falling through his face, and the loneliness he had to bear for so many years was suddenly coming back to him at once. If only Shio was here to eat together with him. If only he could share this warm moment with her.

''I...'' He dropped the spoon in the table, hands shaking and unable to properly grab it. ''I only wanted to show her that families are like this... I-I worked hard believing that we would be together like this someday... I don't have the right to be here...!''  
Taiyou's mother got up and gently hugged Asahi from behind before saying; ''No one needs a permission to be in a family, or to try to be happy. I'm sure that Shio was proud to have such a hard-working brother, and it is painful that she can't be with us now, but it was an accident. You are amazing for keeping going, Asahi. You did great, and I'm sure that she was happy when you were by her side. So... you have to live and enjoy her part too. I'm sure that's what Shio would have wanted for you.''  
Asahi didn't reply and just cried. He didn't care if they saw his weak side, something that he would have never allowed before. Right now, it was okay, because they were also showing him something he never had. 

After that, they kept having dinner like normal, trying to talk about more happy things, and smiles slowly appeared in their faces. The curry was cold now, but still tasty. Tastier than anything Asahi had had before.  
Then, Asahi thought, if it was like this, maybe he could try to keep on living. Maybe living here, with the two people who were accepting him, and with Shouko... maybe this would make up for Shio, someday. He could never face her again if he gave up now. So, to live, he would try again. He wouldn't let himself lose to life.


	2. Chapter 2

Taiyou placed a futon next to his own bed for Asahi to sleep in. They were already done with dinner, and now were getting ready to sleep. It was still pretty early, but it had been an exhausting day, and they were both tired out.  
''That's done.'' Taiyou said with a small smile on his face once he settled everything. ''Um...'' He turned towards Asahi, who had already changed to his pajamas just like himself. Asahi's blue pajamas were lended to him by Taiyou, and they were a little big for him, but it would do. ''What are you going to do tomorrow?''

''Tomorrow?'' Asahi hesitated, not knowing what the blond haired boy was referring to.  
''I mean... you weren't going to school before, right? We can send an application for you, and you should be transferred by next week in that case, or you could also work part-time.'' He didn't wanted to sound like he was forcing Asahi to work hard just after losing his sister, but then again staying still in such a situation was even worse. Being distracted from his thoughts was probably the best for Asahi, at least for now.

''I...'' Asahi looked away, insecurity flooding into him. ''I didn't... think about that yet...''   
Well, it was understandable. ''It's okay, you can think it tomorrow or the day after.'' Taiyou said this as he sat in his bed. He then smiled before adding, ''I've been thinking about it and about myself. I have to move forward too... That's why, I decided that I am going to overcome my trauma.'' He looked at Asahi in the eyes, and Asahi knew that he was serious. He looked scared but determined. ''I am going to become normal...!''   
It was his only chance, really, now that Shio was forever gone. If he fell into that cycle again, it would be the end, or so he thought.

Asahi found this admirable, and it also reminded him of his own situation, and how weak he was being in comparison. Taiyou had already made a decision, a very tough one, but what about himself?   
''That's why... I can't force you of course, but I think that it would be nice if you tried to overcome this with me. I already talked to my mother to go to a psychologist, the two of us.''   
The dark haired boy could but look away. Taiyou was being intense, and while his intentions were good, Asahi didn't feel ready to take that step yet. In his whole life, everything he did was for Shio or Yuna's sake, and he never really took proper care of himself. It sounded like it would be simply impossible for someone like him.

''It's okay if you want to wait, please don't feel pressured!'' Only then Taiyou realized that he was pushing Asahi, and he sounded wholeheartedly apologetic. It was a flaw of his; to always get too far too fast without considering what others wanted. He was ashamed of himself. ''I'm sorry...!'' Was all he could say after such a bitter feeling.  
''No, it's okay...'' Asahi replied, trying to improve the situation a bit. ''I'm sorry, too. I'll think about it.''  
Taiyou smiled again, now at ease. ''That's good.''  
With that, they said goodnight to Taiyou's mother before laying down on their respectives bed and futon. ''Goodnight.'' Taiyou muttered, and Asahi answered in a faint voice, closing his eyes right away.   
He did plan on sleeping then, but after all, it wasn't easy with everything that happened. His mind hadn't really processed it all yet, and he was at a complete loss. For now, he was grateful to be able to be in a warm and comfortable place, and he was positive that he hadn't slept in a decent place in years, but he couldn't fully enjoy it. He kept remembering Shio, and regretting many things. Even if Taiyou's mother had comforted him earlier and that made him feel slightly better... it wasn't nearly enough.

He felt sick.  
Reality didn't feel real, and it was like it was all a mere dream instead. At one point he would wake up in the bench he used to sleep in, like usual, to only continue his search for Shio, forever.   
But now, that cycle was broken, time wouldn't go back, and he was never going to live like that again, probably. Should he consider himself lucky or not? Should he cry or, like Taiyou, strive to have a better life and mental health? Did he really deserve to even consider that option?  
Those were his last thoughts before finally falling asleep.

Asahi rarely dreamt of anything at all, he wasn't one to have vivid dreams. Not even nightmares were recurrent in his sleep— until now.   
In the middle of the night, Taiyou woke up upon hearing some rustling noises, just to notice that Asahi was crying and shaking. "What's wrong...?" Taiyou yawned with teary eyes.   
There was no response, which made the blond haired boy start to worry. Was Asahi having a panic attack? What should he do in these situations? He didn't know. For now, he stood up and approached the other boy, who was fully under the futon sheets. "A-Asahi... did you have a nightmare?"   
Finally, Asahi raised his head and locked eyes with Taiyou before averting them in shame. His face was read, tears constantly dropping, and his breathing was irregular. He nodded, confirming Taiyou's suspicions. 

However, Taiyou was almost more troubled than him, since he never found himself in that situation before, and he didn't really know what attitude to take. It wasn't just someone having an anxiety attack, nor a friend of his crying. It was a guy he didn't know much about, who had lost his sister, hopelessly breaking down with a look that proved that he had lost his very reason to live. For Taiyou, it was overwhelming, and he had never seen such an expression filled with despair. It was like the ground was breaking beneath him and everything was disappearing. If this was how it felt for Taiyou, just how must it be for Asahi, he wondered. 

Upon realizing this, and how powerless he was, the only thing he could do was to hug Asahi. His mother had done that before, and it seemed to have an effect, so maybe this was a million times better than words.   
Asahi hid his face in the crook of Taiyou's neck, and sobbed. Sobbed for what felt like hours. A lifetime. The same guy who, albeit unknown to Taiyou, had been beaten by thugs and by his own father, had experienced the pain of having his nails teared off, again by his own father, saw his mother suffering all along, lived with no money in an endless search, and yet never cried through any of that. He endured all of it without whining or throwing in the towel.  
That exact person— Asahi Koube, was crying now like a child. Like the child he should have been. Those were the tears he never shed. And even without knowing the details of his background or pain, Taiyou knew that this was something excruciating for Asahi. He could feel it, and it also made him more conscious of Shio's death. 

Yes; he had swore to become normal and overcome his trauma, but still, Shio was like light itself for him, and such a nice girl was forever gone. It was almost as if the world was stealing anything pure on sight. Taiyou couldn't help but cry a little upon thinking this.  
God knows how much time passed with them like that, weeping in a tight embrace, in silence. But everything has to end at some point, and their tears wouldn't be an exception. When Asahi finally calmed himself, and without a single word, he leaned in the futon, Taiyou in his bed, and both of them fell asleep again. No discussion was needed; in a moment so intimate they had already conveyed all their thoughts. Not to each other, but to Shio.

As for Shouko, he had returned to her home after that and only prayed for Asahi to be okay. She was so worried about him that she didn't pay attention to her phone until late in the night, and she only remembered about it when she received a call and the phone started vibrating.  
''From the police...?'' She hesitated in confusion, picking up and sitting down in her bed to get more comfortable.  
''Is this Shouko Hida?'' They asked, and she of course replied affirmatively. ''You get along with Satou Matsuzaka, isn't that right? We would like to ask you some questions, may you come to the police station now?''  
Shouko felt how anxiety and fear was filling her slowly. She had a very, very bad foreboding about this.  
''Satou was found dead some minutes ago, allegedly by suicide.'' 

It was almost as if the world was stealing anything pure on sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter was a little short! I'm so stressed with exams and I didn't find much time to write. I'll try to make the next one longer!


End file.
